Nov
25
11 Months since Crossing the Bridge
November 25, 2012 | Progress Report | 4 Comments
I’ve been meaning to post for several months now. But with life getting in the way between work, family and everyday tasks it’s been hard getting a few moments of solitude to express my thoughts on how life has been without my baby girl.
Life has continued pretty much as normal as can be. I seemed to have gotten busier with a few extra responsibilities recently. I think Jewels’s absence has affected Aspen more than anyone else. Since she was a pup Aspen had Jewels as her constant companion at home. So I never worried about her when we left her in the house with Jewels. But now Aspen shows separation anxiety that she’s never displayed before. If I don’t close all the doors to the bedrooms she will sometimes find something to tear up and leave a big mess. Usually something like this would really irritate me, but I know it’s because she doesn’t feel totally comfortable being alone. She is also getting old, so I tend to spoil her a whole lot more than I used to. So now she gets a lot of treats, goes on rides with us whenever feasible and I try harder now to give her a lot of extra love and attention.
A few weeks ago one of my boys just out-of-the-blue asked me about where Jewels is. He’s done this a handful of times since she passed. We would go weeks or months without him saying anything about Jewels and then he would suddenly ask about her. When he does ask however, we end up having a pretty deep conversation (he’s four years old) about where she is, what happened and how she doesn’t hurt anymore. He would get into a melancholy mood for several minutes before he moved on to the next thing he wanted to do to play. I never realized how he had actually connected to her. At those moments I would cry a little not just because it reminded me so much of how I really miss her but also because I was so touched that my son has not forgotten about her either.
And so, the pain is still there but not so badly now. I am thinking more often of the wonderful times we had with her and I can smile about the memories. There will always be this empty space in my heart, but at least now it is tempered with good memories and love.
Jewels in 2000, still a puppy and rambunctious
- My two girls just hanging out
