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It’s been exactly two weeks now since Jewels crossed the bridge.  Each day has gotten easier.  Whether I like it or not life has to go on.  I am always busy anyway between being a mom to my young boys, working and all other things people generally do in life.  But adjusting to the new “normal” around the house has taken some time. 

The evening after Jewels left us I slept easily at first because I was so tired and emotionally drained.  But then I woke up at about 3:00am and remembered that my girl wasn’t with us anymore and started crying.  I couldn’t really fall back asleep after that.  I looked out the window toward the Sandia Mountains as I laid in bed grieving and noticed a really bright, beautiful star shining in the darkness just above the mountain.  I don’t recall ever seeing it there before in the eight years we’ve lived in this house.  I wondered if that was a message from Jewels that she is happy now and that everything was going to be okay.  I haven’t seen the star shining there ever since.

Then last week I had a dream that I saw Jewels walking with four legs as she looked at me bright eyed and content.  I don’t usually remember my dreams, but this part was unforgettable.  Perhaps it was another message from her to comfort me in my sorrow.

I’ve managed to go a day or two in a row without crying, but still there are times when I am left to my thoughts and I think about her and the tears just start flowing heavily again.  I’ve always been the “cry-baby” type, but I’m getting a little tired of my eyes hurting from the tears.  At what point will I stop crying?

There are a lot of mixed feelings I am having about losing Jewels.  I am glad that she is no longer suffering, but yet I am grieving so much because I miss her.  This is very difficult.  Jewels is the first pet I’ve had to let go like this.  And even though I knew deep in my heart that this would inevitably happen from the day we adopted Jewels, nothing prepared me for how it would feel in the end.

I miss rubbing her silky ears and seeing her sweet face!

11 Comments so far

  1.    riosmom on January 13, 2012 8:18 pm      Reply

    It does get easier, and soon the happy memories will outweigh the pain. Grief is a process, and it takes time to work through it. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re taking too long, or you’re overreacting, because everyone deals with these sorts of things in their own time and way.

    Sending you lots of virtual hugs,

    Micki and Rio

  2.    etgayle on January 13, 2012 8:42 pm      Reply

    you are doing fine, it’s a tough road to travel, but you are not travelling alone. the star sounds magical, and we agree jewels sent it to you to help you dry some tears. don’t be too hard on yourself when you are having a tough day, hopefully they will become fewer with time.

    charon & spirit gayle

  3.    anjl on January 13, 2012 10:26 pm      Reply

    That wasn’t a dream it was a visit! She does want you to know not to worry because she is good. It’s k to cry, I use to wonder how long until I stop. I haven’t stopped but it is less frequent and there are smile now besides just tears. Be kind to yourself!

  4.    chilidawg on January 13, 2012 10:32 pm      Reply

    I don’t know at what time you stop crying. It has been about 4.5 months since we lost Chili and I still cry-not every day, but there will be things that cause me to. It’s okay, we all grieve in our own way & time. The star sounds cool.

    Hang in there,


  5.    kviz on January 13, 2012 11:31 pm      Reply

    My heart is breaking for you. I still cry…not every day, but almost…after 3 1/2 years. I really have a hard time when I make my daily stop at his picture on the mantel. His collar hangs on his picture and I swear I can still smell his stinky self on it. Jake used to like to roll in horrible decaying substances (aka “schmutz”)…wherever he could find them.:)

    In the last year or so, I have managed to channel a lot of the grief towards volunteer and rescue work. I swear it has saved me. Jake wasn’t the first OR last dog on our family…but he owns my heart. I can tell that Jewel’s owns yours too.

  6.    AbbysMom on January 13, 2012 11:35 pm      Reply

    We are only 3 days in… so I think my first “I went a whole day without crying” day is still a ways off. It sounds to me like you are doing really well, considering it’s ONLY been 2 weeks. That’s not that much time after all the time you had with your girl.

    I have the same feelings you do – I’m glad Abby is out of pain. I know she is ok because she sent me an unbelievable Tripawd Warrior Princess pink sunset the next day. Just like Jewels sent you that star. Still… I miss her though. There are a million reminders.

    Take your time and grieve however you need to. We are all here anytime you want to talk about Jewels. I think that is the thing that helps most – talking/writing about our sweet furbabies.

    Jackie, Angel Abby’s mom

  7.    tatespeeps on January 14, 2012 1:50 am      Reply

    Jewels put a jewel in the sky for you!

    Tate was our first too. The grief is astonishing, isn’t it? And Jewels did have such a sweet face.

    I think it is two steps forward, one step back. I had a real setback yesterday, a snowstorm here. Tate was playing in the snow after a storm last year when we noticed his limp was back. I try to replace memories like that with happy ones but some days it just doesn’t work.

    I suppose we will experience reminders like that, and hopefully each one will get easier. Sending hugs…

  8.    GerrysMom on January 14, 2012 2:24 am      Reply

    Yay for happy visits from beyond!

    More than two years later, the loss of my last boy still punches me now and then, bringing tears to my eyes, even if I don’t all out cry. But it’ll take a little more time maybe for those moments to spread out.

    After I lost my last boy, my brother dropped his dog off to babysit. That helped a lot. I’m still not sure they actually needed a sitter at all. I also got back to volunteering at a dog shelter as soon as I could. That can take a while, depending on the shelter. May not work for everyone, but helping other dogs worked mostly as a good distraction for me from missing Yoda, rather than a painful reminder.

  9.    krun15 on January 14, 2012 3:28 am      Reply

    As everyone has said- we all heal and deal in our own way and on our own schedule. I was kind of OK the first month after I lost Maggie- I think because like so many I was exhausted by the last 3 months with her. There is a little sense of relief from the constant worry and wondering if today would be ‘the day’. But then for me the missing her kicked in. The memory of how hard that last part of the journey was started to fade, and I was left with the fact that she was gone. It does get better, and a year and a half later there are rarely tears. We are hear to listen and help, but your grief is a process that only you can go through. But we do get through it.

  10.    doggiemomma9 on January 15, 2012 9:50 pm      Reply

    Awesome Star! I would definitely take it as a sign from Jewels.

    It is going to be a rough road, but everyone travels it at their own pace. Whatever place you are at on it is where you need to be.

    I hope in time that your sweet memory of Jewels will outweigh the raw pain you feel right now. Hugs to you.

    Nancy & Butchey

  11.    jerry on January 21, 2012 2:12 pm      Reply

    That star was most definitely Jewels. What a beautiful way to show you she’s not going anywhere.

    Life does go on but as you saw, the love we shared with our best friends never goes anywhere, it’s always in our hearts.


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