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I’ve been meaning to post for several months now.  But with life getting in the way between work, family and everyday tasks it’s been hard getting a few moments of solitude to express my thoughts on how life has been without my baby girl.

Life has continued pretty much as normal as can be.  I seemed to have gotten busier with a few extra responsibilities recently.  I think Jewels’s absence has affected Aspen more than anyone else.  Since she was a pup Aspen had Jewels as her constant companion at home.  So I never worried about her when we left her in the house with Jewels.  But now Aspen shows separation anxiety that she’s never displayed before.  If I don’t close all the doors to the bedrooms she will sometimes find something to tear up and leave a big mess.  Usually something like this would really irritate me, but I know it’s because she doesn’t feel totally comfortable being alone.  She is also getting old, so I tend to spoil her a whole lot more than I used to.  So now she gets a lot of treats, goes on rides with us whenever feasible and I try harder now to give her a lot of extra love and attention.

A few weeks ago one of my boys just out-of-the-blue asked me about where Jewels is.  He’s done this a handful of times since she passed.  We would go weeks or months without him saying anything about Jewels and then he would suddenly ask about her.  When he does ask however, we end up having a pretty deep conversation (he’s four years old) about where she is, what happened and how she doesn’t hurt anymore.  He would get into a melancholy mood for several minutes before he moved on to the next thing he wanted to do to play.  I never realized how he had actually connected to her.  At those moments I would cry a little not just because it reminded me so much of how I really miss her but also because I was so touched that my son has not forgotten about her either.

And so, the pain is still there but not so badly now.  I am thinking more often of the wonderful times we had with her and I can smile about the memories.  There will always be this empty space in my heart, but at least now it is tempered with good memories and love.

Baby Jewels

Jewels in 2000, still a puppy and rambunctious

My two girls just hanging out

4 Comments so far

  1.    Dakota Dawg on November 26, 2012 1:24 am      Reply

    Oh Geraldine, Jewels did a great job raising your boys! I know that you know this, but your whole family really lucked out all the way around. You got the great dogs and the adorable twins, they got the dog who was teaching lessons that were only apparent when she was gone. Aspen got a deep bond to Jewels.

    I’m so sorry that Aspen is struggling with some things. We have tended to add a dog when we knew the end was near for one, because we’ve always had dogs we knew would struggle being alone. That’s how they sucker you and worm their way into your heart! Is it time for a new companion for Aspen and the boys? And you?


  2.    princess on November 26, 2012 2:31 am      Reply

    I’m glad to hear you can smile at the memories and feel a little less pain now. I don’t think the pain ever goes away completely. That’s the price of love. But, so glad to hear that your heart is healing.

    Karen and Spirit Magnum

  3.    jerry on November 27, 2012 3:54 pm      Reply

    Wow, I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since she became an angel dog.

    Dogs teach humans so many lessons, we often don’t even realise that’s what they’re doing when they do them. Sometimes it just takes time and distance to look back and go, “Oh, wow, that’s what it was all about!”

    I think in your boy’s case, Jewels lessons will be with him both consciously and unconsciously for a lifetime. She did a great job teaching him how to be a caring, compassionate human, and in that way, she will always be a part of your lives.

    {{{{hugs}}}}} it’s great to hear from you.

  4.    jewelsmom on November 28, 2012 4:40 am      Reply

    Thanks guys!

    Yes I agree it’s astonishing how much we can learn from our dogs. I so appreciate your comments about how Jewels has taught something very valuable to my son.

    Shari, yes I do think often that we need another furbaby in our lives. But unfortunately my husband doesn’t seem ready for one just yet. I will work on it . . .

    Karen, you are so right about how the pain won’t go away completely. I can’t imagine it ever would. But it is worth it for the price of love. I wouldn’t trade those 11 years with Jewels for anything.

    And Spirit Jerry, thank you so much for your words of wisdom about how Jewels will always be a part of our lives, especially for my son. That means a lot to me knowing her spirit in a way still lives on with my family.

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