Dec
17
Barney, “James” Barney
December 17, 2011 | KillBarney Tour | 8 Comments
I overheard Mom say that she is getting too busy to be playing around on the computer right now because my sister Jewels is not feeling well, the holidays are coming up, my human brothers always getting into trouble and grandma and grandpa will be coming over for a visit soon. So I think it is safe for me now to hack into Mom’s tripawd blog account to report to you what has been going on around here. My name is Aspen a.k.a. “Monkeybutt”–whatever that means.
I’m the younger, smarter black lab sister to Jewels. It looks like from Mom’s previous blog entries that she continues to favor Jewels over me. I resent that. I am less than a year younger than Jewels and from the start ever since I became a member of this pack I’ve been the last-ranking in this pack hierarchy. Especially since my human brothers (twins) came around three years ago, my ranking dropped even lower. What gives? For years I’ve been trying my darndest to show everyone that I should be alpha over my siblings (both Jewels and the human twins), but lately my efforts are in vain especially since it seems Jewels hasn’t been feeling well. She’s been getting ALL the attention!
Well, I have my chance now. I am going to show everyone that I should move up in this pack hierarchy!!
Mom got some mysterious, smelly package that she opened up yesterday. Wow! The smell was so very interesting! Then she started to cry. What’s the deal? How could something so smelly make mom cry like that? Then out popped this purple thing that looked like it had been through a lot. So THAT’s what I could smell. He introduced himself as “Barney, James Barney.” He said he just came from a heli-skiing and gambling vacation with Dakota and Evelyn and now he must return to duty. He was sent on a special mission to sooth and comfort our pack, especially since Jewels hasn’t been feeling well. His goal is to bring a little more happiness and smiles during this holiday season and give lots of love to Jewels.
“James” Barney introduces himself to Jewels
Right away Barney didn’t waste time and started giving Jewels some affection
My first meeting with “James” Barney
Barney kept going on about how for almost two years now he’s been travelling the country and the world visiting other tripawds just because he was the favorite toy of some celebrity tripawd by the name of Jerry. He keeps claiming that he is in high demand by the most esteemed tripawds on earth and that we should be honored with his presence. Wow. This guy is really cocky!
But you know what? There is something about this guy that just doesn’t seem right. How can a complete stranger just show up like that and claim to spread joy and good cheer? I am very suspicious about him. Maybe it’s his weird eyes, or all that random dog fur stuck to him. Maybe it’s his weird smell. But something seems very WRONG about him. I just can’t put my finger on it. I don’t trust this Barney guy one bit. I will be watching him very closely. I must protect my pack and show everyone that I should be promoted up the hierarchy. That purple thing had better watch out. I am not going to tolerate any funny business and will expose him for whatever he is REALLY up to.
Mom is completely convinced that this Barney guy is for real. She already treats him like he is a special guest in our home. And the twin boys seemed to already know who he is! They were talking about how they see him on TV all the time, something about Netflix reruns of his show. Still, I don’t trust him. I will find out what he is really up to and expose him so that Mom will see that he’s really not as perfect as she thinks he is. Then I will finally prove myself and move higher in the pack ranking. Barney, beware! Beware!
Barney relaxing in the guest bedroom. Hey! Mom never lets ME sleep on the bed!