Dec
20
Busted! Then Redemption . . .
December 20, 2011 | KillBarney Tour | 8 Comments
Aspen here again hacking into Mom’s Tripawd account.
I knew it! Barney WAS up to something! That little purple beast did have an ulterior motive! It’s a good thing I didn’t completely fall for his act.
Mom went upstairs for a few minutes while we (Jewels, Barney, the twins and me) stayed hanging out downstairs. Barney took the opportunity to make a mess of the books in the library. But by the time Mom came down he was long gone happily snuggling next to Jewels like nothing happened. When Mom saw the books all over the place she started scolding the twins about making a mess and that they needed to clean it up immediately. I tried to tell her that it was really Barney that did it, but she wouldn’t listen to me. The twins acted like they were totally oblivious. She just kept going off about how she’s always having to keep an eye on the boys and she can’t get anything done in this house because they are constantly getting into trouble.
Books in chaos
Then later in the day while Mom went upstairs again Barney went and started throwing the twins’ toys all over the place. He totally trashed the playroom!
Investigating how Barney totally trashed the house
I was just about to grab his head when Mom came down and saw the mess. Again this time Mom started yelling at the boys demanding that they go and clean up their toys immediately. I didn’t even bother to tattle on Barney because I knew she wouldn’t believe me. Instead, I decided to just wait until she isn’t looking and I was going to deal with Barney myself. Oh boy, is that purple dude going to get it from me!!
So when Mom put the boys down for their nap and went to go take a nap herself because she was tired from all the stress during the day I snatched Barney and took him out to the backyard. There I slammed him on the agave plant and told him to talk! At the moment he wasn’t really hurting. For some reason that hard dino skin of his kept the sharp agave points from penetrating his purple behind.
Interrogation on the Agave plant–very sharp!
But he was pretty scared at that point and I threatened him that I would throw him into the arroyo beyond our backyard and let the bobcats and coyotes deal with him. Actually my first instinct was to tear off his head, but these days I am too old for that puppy-like violence. It’s just easier to feed him to the wild animals.
Then something unexpected happened. He started to bawl like a baby! I was so taken aback by his reaction I didn’t know what to do. He started saying, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I growled at him, “What are you really up to?” Then he spilled it all out.
He said that the truth is that he’s been tortured by so many tripawds and monkeybutts that it’s in his nature to wreak havoc wherever and whenever he can. His true mission initially was to continue wreaking havoc in our home and that the best way to infiltrate our pack was to act all nice and chummy at first and then wham! Get us when we least expected it. But then he saw Jewels and his heart went all soft. She was the most beautiful tripawd he had ever seen and he was fighting his need to make trouble. But today, he realized that if word got around to other tripawds that he got all soft he would lose his reputation as a nemesis. So he tried to cause a riot like he usually does. “And the truth is,” he said, “making a mess of the books and the toys is NOTHING compared to what I’ve done before.” His heart wasn’t into it. He feels that this time things are different and he just can’t do anything to harm Jewels’ pack. “Besides,” he joked after he finished sobbing, “don’t you think it’s pretty funny that Mom got all angry at the twins for making the mess?”
Actually, I thought, it was pretty funny! It seems Mom is so ready to blame everything on the twins, we could do all sorts of stuff around the house and we could get away with it. But, I told him, “No! You are NOT allowed to stress Mom out. She’s already stressed out about a lot of things, especially since Jewels isn’t feeling good.” With the mention of Jewels’ name he started crying again. Oh geez. What’s the deal? In between sobs he said he really was starting to fall for her. She is the sweetest, prettiest tripawd he had ever seen and he loves her. But I told him, “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure she feels the same about you.” “I know, I know!” he said. “But I can tell she isn’t feeling good and I wish I could just make her feel better. I can’t stand how she seems to be feeling tired all the time. I feel so helpless.”
At this point I wasn’t angry at him anymore and I gently took him off the agave. How weird it was that I went from wanting to torture the guy to actually feeling sorry for him. But then I realized that he really wasn’t as helpless as he thought.
I told him, “You know, I don’t think you know what good you’ve already done in just a few days.” He looked at me confused. “What?” He said.
“Believe it or not, I can tell that Mom isn’t crying as badly as she was before you arrived. She seems to be enjoying the moment more with Jewels and crying a little less lately. I think you are making the heartache a little more bearable for her. Besides, she is having a little bit of fun with you.”
“Really?” He asked. “Yeah, really. Jewels isn’t going to be around for much longer. Mom is going to need all the support she can to get through this difficult time. There is nothing wrong with soothing and comforting our pack. You are already doing that without knowing it. That box you travelled in has a lot of really cool things that represent love, memories and strength. Mom likes to look at everything in it. And even if she is shedding tears as she looks through it, I think she finds some comfort in doing that.
He calmed down a little from his sobbing and said, “So you’re not going to throw me into the arroyo?” “No,” I said. “I’ll let you live this time. But be careful! That doesn’t mean the next tripawd or monkeybutt won’t try to take you apart!”